我真傻,真的,我单以为公交卡跟手机放一起会消磁,没想到公交卡跟饭卡放一起也会消磁。

下午回来的公交车上,我脑里心里不住默念的就是上面这句话。当时我像傻大个一样站在公交车门口,拿着公交卡在刷卡机上正面反面反复地试,总听不到那令人愉悦的滴滴声,心里绝望不已。

每逢车到站,有人上车,都不禁要冲我看一眼,疑心公交车什么时候多了个售票员。等在座位上坐定了,看到我的举动,方恍然大悟,脸上露出一丝了然的微笑。我猜这微笑并没有什么嘲笑的意味,兴许鼓励的含义还多一些,但这点鼓励却让我手足无措,好像在台上演讲忘词的时候台下传来的掌声,虽是好心,但让人更发慌。

我此刻就慌得厉害,但仍不能死心,一边刷卡一边还在心里劝慰自己:早上还能刷呢。这种劝慰不自主地从嘴里冒了出来,传到旁边司机的耳中。司机大姐回应我道:一定是消磁了,没错。我也深知确是如此,但知道了原因又能怎样呢,丝毫不能使我从尴尬中解脱出来。世上的许多事情都是如此,明知其中根源,还是要眼睁睁地奔着注定的结果而去。

自从公司楼下的餐厅要用饭卡之后,我出门就没有带过一分钱,就是晚上回来在超市里买菜和馒头也都是手机支付,早已模糊了钱的样子。平日里享受着科技带来的各种便利,没有感激过,此刻又忍不住埋怨科技还不够十分便利,竟不能让公交车也使用手机支付。这种心态十分常见。你平日里顺便帮别人做些事情,他们觉得实属应当,安心享受,可是等到你有事断了一天,他们就忿忿不平,觉得你亏欠了他们。我向来讨厌这种人,没想到自己竟然也是如此,心里不禁惴惴然。

车又行了一站,我仍在前面刷卡机上面上上下下左左右右地试验,仿佛卡读不出是刷卡机的错。我心里产生一丝荒唐的想法,觉得如果我把卡放到了指定的位置,就会成功。就像平时登陆网页账号时要采取的验证,拉动方块到指定位置方可登陆。只是网上的验证你知目标位置在哪,而现在我完全没有头绪。

绝望中我也想,会不会有人看不过,来替我刷下卡呢。这种想法刚一冒起就被我摁了下去。熟悉我的人都知道,我平日里有些不愿接受别人的帮助。接受别人帮助容易,但要还回去其实并不是易事。因为同样的事情在不同的时刻对每个人的意义很不相同。比如此刻,一块钱能救我的急,帮了大忙,让我感激涕零,但我给别人一块只会显得微不足道,不值一提,可能车上掉出一块钱都没有人俯身去捡。还人情难就难在这里,并不是简单地你给别人同样的东西俩人就可以扯平。

我想,感情也是如此。很多时候我们的一份真心并不足以弥补别人的一份,你的关怀也并不一定给别人带来温暖。相反,还有可能带来困扰。这其中的复杂程度可以写一份数千页的论文进行研究。。。

正想着,卡突然刷上了,还是滴滴两声。我顾不上查看多响了一次,是不是多扣了钱,急忙转身向车后方走去。我边走边庆幸自己从复杂的感情研究中解脱出来,不至于思考那头疼的问题。论文还是留给别人去写吧,我心想。刚才的尴尬焦急惊慌和不快,早已随着窗外的风景,远远地抛到身后去了。

走到后面发现,车上竟然还有空位。

147 对 “囧途”的想法;

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