旺财

首先说上面这只猫叫旺财。刚捡回来的时候瘦骨伶仃,没多久就被她主人喂成了大胖子。然后,旺财就变成了主子,主人成了奴才。

以下是我跟旺财的日常。

1

旺财,旺财,呼叫旺财。

旺财没有回应我。

(旁边传来声音:旺财主人正在拉屎)

那你要不要替主子先接待我一下?

(沉默,沉默如今晚的武汉市长

江大桥。)

良久,旺财皂片出现:朕回来了。

你好哇 旺财~

你好哇~小m

你擦屁股了没?

。。。。

2

旺财喜欢突然发张照片:喵~我美吗?

美美美。不过。。。

不过什么?

不过比起您身边那位,还差点。。。

(咆哮,咆哮)

大胖子果然大多是小心眼。

3

旺财,我以后有小孩了取个名字叫王一一。怎么样?既好听,又好写。

不好。

怎么不好?

容易被老师点名。

4

天好热呀,旺财你想吃什么?

我在翻垃圾桶。

旺财你奴才呢?

奴才起了坏心要给我减肥。

这是虐待!

(旁边的声音:要健康,不要肥胖。)

不,要管饱。像加菲那样才好。

不要把我跟那个包子脸相比。

是是是。那你去吃小奴才的饭。她吃什么你就去吃什么。

不行。

为什么?

这样她饿了也会吃我的猫粮的。

5

旺财,天好热呀,吃什么好?

我在吃青菜。

喵大人也吃青菜吗?

是呀。有时候要吃。

什么时候?

催吐的时候。我要吐毛球。

6

旺财,你会游泳吗?

会呀。猫一直都会游泳的。

那你为什么不去游泳?

会死的。

会游泳怎么还能死?

会吓死。

7

旺财。你觉得我私下应该学点什么?

养猫。

额,还有别的吗?

再养一只猫。一只又一只。

8

旺财,你会挠我吗?

会。

都说猫随人。你应该像小奴才的性格才对。

是呀。已经差不多像了。

哪里像了?

越来越懒了。

9

旺财说,你会不会觉得养只猫,如果不每天晒一下,就觉得白养了?

我说,是呀,就是这样。

旺财说,那你丫的还不赶紧来给我拍照。

我低头一看,她已经摆好pose了。

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